I'm Loving Being a Professional

I know what you're thinking: The rigid thinking, the inability to see people as human beings, the boring mediocrity. That might be what being a professional means to you, and it might seem like an overused and meaningless word, and you might be right it's all those things; but it's so much more.

I'm a professional and I'm loving it. Just like Maxwell Smart. I do everything in a set pattern according to someone else, and I identify with it and feel it makes me important. I don't pay attention to your clarity and what makes sense. No way, mister! You might see the big picture, the overall thing, but I prefer little limited fragments; I like little pieces of the puzzle, not some whole picture. I like to look through the little peephole, and I don't care if I can't see the whole scenery.

I feel comfortable pretending to know what's right and what works, even if it only works to make me feel good about my so-called self. Why not? You only live once! And why not only do it half-way? Seems right to me.

Anyway, I like the word "professional". It has a professional sound to it. When I hear it, I know right away that it's right and whoever is likened to it is right. Heck, they might be an expert. Then all my worries are gone and I can enjoy the ride, no matter where it takes me, even if it takes me to the Land of I'm a Dip Stick and I Don't Have a Clue.

Anyway, thanks for listening and may the Goddess Bless You.

I Loved My Job and I Love Being Retired From It, Punk!

A lot of people don't know about me though I talk about it often. But anyway, I spent 25 years on the force and I loved my job; when I won the lottery, I quit right away and packed up the wife and kids and moved to the beach and got away from that terrible hot valley in California; which I loved too, such a great community, and the fact that I left that place as soon as I could has nothing to do with how I feel about it; and I also left behind most of my family, whom I love; yes, we always fought, yes there was always chaos like clockwork around them, yes each one of us has twisted up minds because of how we treated each other; but I love them with all my heart.

So, what's my point? Well, years on the force taught me a lot about humanity, a lot about what's important. I saw a lot of kids go the wrong way, I had to whip them into shape, right there in the street and I regret not a day I spent doing it. I would tell them, "We're going to put you in a gallon of water and get your socks wet, PUNK!" And they knew exactly what I meant. I remember talking almost everyday about how I couldn't wait to go on vacation or how I couldn't wait for the weekend, but none of that meant I didn't love my job.

Those are days past, and I remember them fondly; nights and days with the family, the job where I learned to live and love, and the community where I grew and grew like a Chia Pet.

I will never forget any of it.

What I've Been Up To and Other Important Things

Hahahahahaha! Sorry I haven't "blogged" on here in awhile, but I've been "crazy" busy! "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Anyway three events have been keeping me very busy, you might say "important". The family bike ride and the North Eastern Oceanic Conference On Socratics And Music (NEO COSAM). Okay, that's two things! Hahahahahahaha! And we did them at the same time, so one thing really! Hahahahahahaha!

So, me, the wife and the kids got geared up for the bike ride; water bottles, helmets, granola bars, cream and lotion, some toys. So stoked! We are so HAPPY!

We took the beautifully scenic route in the scenic hills and woods, up to the annual NEO COSAM.

I should preface this to let you know my background in Western philosophy. It is my "thing". Usually I read about a paragraph of a book by someone like Plato or I skim it, get what I want out of it and, though I don't fully understand it, I can take bits and pieces out of it to win arguments at the cafe. It makes me look good to say the least. Also, I can say that what those guys say can be followed like a blueprint for life; they had all the answers, no need to look further. So, that's one thing I love: The other thing is music; well, really what I like is what goes on at music festivals; NEO COSAM is a chance, basically, for Socratic people to get together and listen to music and party! Lots of physical sensations, if you know what I mean. Lots of good bands played: The Fuzzy Balls, The Tricky Lips, and The Brown Road Coasters; to list some of my favorites! We all got dressed up to be what we want to be, and danced and partied!

So, the main point of this is to let you know I'm smart and happy. It is not enough for me to let people I barely acknowledge on Facebook know about all this, I wanted to include it in my blog too!

Hahahahaha! Well, thanks for listening (or "reading". "Hahahaha!"), and maybe I'll see YOU at the next NEO COSAM. Hahahahahahaha!

Cultivating Compassion and Humility

Me and the wife have been going to worship once a week here in our sleepy little town of good and pure people. Our worship group is called "Collie Ma Follie: The Art of Being Foolish in the Wisest Way"; currently we have been practicing exercises which help us to become more compassionate and humble. On the humble road, we have a basic mantra: "I Ammmmm Hummmmm Bowl", which we chant until we feel smaller, bit by bit. We have become very proud of our progress on the humility road. High fives are in order weekly.

On the compassion road, we've gone from feeling sorry for the "less fortunate" to coming closer and closer to having some kind of true feelings for them. I recall we at first threw a couple coins at the homeless we used to see downtown, but lately we've been tucking away a dollar to hand them periodically when we're not late for appointments, out on the town. While it becomes difficult at times, because generally we have considered the homeless as a sort of barometer, if I might use that word, to measure our own fortunate condition, we are slowly realizing that we might have things in common with them. At the very least, they can get a snack or a cup of coffee with the dollars we now give them.

All in all, it's been a great learning experience, but it's going to take a lot of time to learn more.

Peace to all and we love you all.

Go Ahead with your Own Wifey, Leave Me Alone

This is silly of me, but I don't think I ever mentioned my wife's name; even though I supposedly bragged about having one...a wife. I did tell you my kids' names, but not my wife's name! Hahahaha!

Anyway, her name is Michelle and she's a yoga instructor. She's a neo-pagan and post-feminist-apocalypticologist, and really good at knitting socks. I love her with all my heart, and this is one of the reasons for the current blog entry. Evidently some people in certain circles, do not totally like my wife. Well, I'm here to set the record straight and give them a piece of my mind.

First of all, we have property over down there in California which we rent out to people that live in that region. I send my wife down there periodically to handle the business end of dealing with the residents. I say I send her down there, but I don't own her or order her to do things in the conventional sense; I do it the right way, in the way that it is done, the free way in which we both live according to our own rules which we read in a book on neo-feminist-pagan-apocalypticology. So, anyway, here's the problem.

She goes down there to deal with some of these people we rent a house to, and she comes back and tells me how they treated her. They said she was passive-aggressive, arrogant, and completely oblivious to the fact that other people exist. She couldn't understand how this could be, considering how much she practices being at one with everyone at yoga class, and also how she practices various pagan rituals with our group, which gives her a sense that she's massively a huge part of the Universe. She's really stressed about having to even deal with this sort of people in California.

As far as I'm concerned they are ingrates. We did not need to let them rent from us. On top of that, they seem to have a problem with the fact that my wife's hair "blocks out the sun", in their own words.

Listen, I can take a joke just as much as the next guy, but we've been far too kind for far too long, giving these people places to live for near to reasonable rates. Enough is just simply enough...already.

Why I've Decided Not to Become Bi-Sexual

So, I'm sitting at the "Corporal's Portal" my favorite local cafe, sipping on a latte, enjoying some good ambiance, some nice mellow folk music, all the good bohemians a man could ask for; and then I see it.

Two, I admit gorgeous, women, making out; tongues mingling, lips smacking, finger lickin' not too bad. Okay, it's a bit conspicuous, one might say "show boaty"; but I don't complain. I'm sure everyone, gay, straight or bi, might consider it not an entirely appropriate display of affection, even for a cafe. Maybe in France, but certainly not New England.

Hey, I'm the first one to brag about my tolerance, and I definitely wear it like a badge. So, it occurred to me to jump on the tolerance bandwagon and also turn bisexual and swap saliva with a hunky sexy dude in the Wal Mart parking lot or the local gritty little bar or pub. Why didn't I?

Well, I can pseudo-intellectualize and philosophize and get snarky at the coffee shop with the best of them; but I draw the line at falling in line with changing my sexual orientation to prove I'm hip and tolerant. I would love to decide to be bi-sexual like so many 90s youth who would like everyone to know how open-minded they are, but I have other ways of proving my tolerance. It's called having a few black friends.

In addition, I'm outraged at Zimmerman and the whole Trayvon tragedy, and I've got plenty of divisive single issue distracting politics and hate baiting which I can latch on to; I simply don't need to add being bi-sexual to that mix.

Thank you and bless you always.

Here's a good video, by the way:

Why I'm Into Pure Comedy

Probably some of you are going to be able to make sense of this blog and some are not. But from my location here in a beautiful seaside country resort town in northeastern New England, I can afford not to care. In semi-retirement, I find myself doing everything I want to do and everything I've ever wanted to do. So, there it is and so be it.

Traveling along the beautiful beaches in my community, the sand between my toes, the smell of ocean air in my nostrils, collecting sea shells and feeling the cool breeze on my lovely skin, I am always pondering what it is I like. I have an unnatural obsession with Fred Sanford, I love greasy fried foods, I will sometimes like looking at body parts that I am not supposed to even glance at, and I watch kung fu flicks.

Although, if I were to say what I truly love in life, it is centered on spending time with my beautiful wife and three lovely well behaved children: Margaret, Melvin, and Marcus. It is the best life anyone could ask for and I'm not merely bragging or rubbing your nose in it: To be sure, there are problems.

So, as a reminder that though you think I am just another anonymous blogger, or just another mortal man, you will never know the strange happenings, truly, of my life. You will never know.